Questions for couples to ask each other

What makes a good question for couples?

A good question for couples is an open one: it can’t be settled with a yes or a no, and it gets you sharing a memory, a wish or a need. The best ones start light and go further little by little, at your own pace.

• Start with a light question, and go further whenever you feel like it.
• Every question is for both of you: whoever asks it answers it too.
• You can always pass, no explanation needed.

It’s the idea behind psychologist Arthur Aron’s 36 questions. In 1997, his team had people who didn’t know each other talk for 45 minutes using 36 increasingly personal questions, in three sets, taking turns to answer each one. Afterwards, they said they felt closer than people who had exchanged small-talk questions (Aron et al., Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 1997). The study, presented by the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley

Questions to get to know each other better

For a new relationship, or to rediscover each other after years together: open questions that get you talking.

1. What gives you the most energy right now?
2. Which habit would you like to break, and which one would you like to pick up?
3. What would you like me to understand better about you?
4. Which part of your day would you like to tell me about more often?
5. What recent memory made you smile?
6. What part of your childhood still explains who you are today?
7. What piece of advice you were once given still helps you?
8. What small win from your week deserves to be celebrated?
9. What does your ideal Sunday look like, from waking up to going to bed?
10. What passion do you wish you’d started earlier?
11. What makes you lose track of time?
12. What job would you have chosen in another life?
13. What puts you in a good mood in under five minutes?
14. Who made you want to become the person you are?
15. Which book, movie or show changed the way you see things?
16. What do you do when you need some calm?
17. What risk have you taken that you don’t regret one bit?
18. What stresses you out more than it should?
19. Which of your qualities would you like people to notice more?
20. Where do you feel truly at home?
21. What rule do you live by without ever talking about it?
22. What would you like to learn this year?
23. Which little ritual in our daily life matters most to you?
24. What little pleasure do you treat yourself to when no one is watching?
25. What do people rarely notice about you?

Romantic questions to ask each other

Save them for a quiet dinner, phones down: they bring your best moments back to life.

1. What moment made you realize you really cared about me?
2. What perfect evening do you imagine with me?
3. Which memory of us would you keep in a treasure box?
4. What did you like about me at the very beginning?
5. Which nickname makes you smile, and which one makes you roll your eyes?
6. Which place would you love to go back to with me?
7. Which thoughtful gesture of mine does you the most good day to day?
8. What simple moment with me lights up your day?
9. What surprise would really make you happy?
10. Without a word, which gesture tells you best that I love you?
11. Which part of the house do you like best when we’re both in it?
12. What do I do without realizing it that makes you melt?
13. When I’m not around, at what moments do you think of me?
14. What trip do you dream of taking with me?
15. What would you write to me in a three-line letter?
16. What makes you want to take me in your arms?
17. What’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever given you?
18. What celebration would you invent just for the two of us?
19. Which fictional couple is most like us?
20. Which season makes you think of us the most?
21. Which declaration of love in a movie made you swoon?
22. If we could do it all over again, where would you want our first kiss to be?
23. What song would you like us to dance to one evening, in the kitchen?
24. When do you feel most like a team with me?
25. What date would you like me to plan for you without telling you a thing?

Funny questions to laugh together

To kick off the evening, or to lighten it up between two serious questions.

1. What would our duo name be on a TV show?
2. What ridiculous dare would you give me right now?
3. Which object at home is the most like me?
4. What song would you sing at karaoke to make me laugh?
5. If we ran a shop together, what would we sell?
6. What animal would you be on a Monday morning?
7. What useless superpower would you like to have?
8. What phrase do you say so often it could be your motto?
9. Which trend from the past would you bring back?
10. What costume would you make me wear to a costume party?
11. What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?
12. What hidden talent could you show off in a contest?
13. If we won a surprise trip, which destination would scare you the most?
14. Which app on your phone says too much about you?
15. What commercial could the two of us star in?

Even more funny questions

Questions about your story together

The first glance, the early days, the moments that mattered: plenty to tell the story of you two.

1. Which memory of the two of us deserves a sequel?
2. Which detail of our first meeting comes back to you first?
3. What’s your favorite memory of our first date?
4. What hard moment made our relationship stronger?
5. Which photo of the two of us do you like best, and why?
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Which message from me have you kept, or reread more than once?
8. What was the day you knew we were serious?
9. Which of our arguments makes us laugh now?
10. Which trip or weekend sums up our relationship best?
11. Which restaurant or café takes you back to our early days?
12. Which moment of our story would you like to tell our friends?
13. Which of our laughing fits comes back to you most often?
14. What has changed most between us since the beginning?
15. If our story had chapters, what would this one be called?

Deep questions, to really talk to each other

For the evenings when you have time: what matters, what scares you, what you want for tomorrow.

1. What do you need when you’re going through a hard time?
2. What fear would you like to overcome with me?
3. What have you changed your mind about since we got together?
4. What version of our relationship do you want to build?
5. Where would you like us to live in ten years?
6. Which project together would make you happiest to pull off?
7. What makes you feel safe with me?
8. What would you never compromise on, even for love?
9. What do you miss most about your life before?
10. Which childhood dream have you never given up?
11. How do you know you need space, and how can you tell me?
12. What would you like us to talk about more often?
13. Which argument would you like us to handle differently next time?
14. What did your parents teach you about love, for better or worse?
15. In your view, what makes a relationship last?
16. How can you tell a day has gone really well?
17. How much room do you want work to take in our life?
18. What helps you trust me?
19. Which of our habits as a couple would you like us to drop?
20. If we wrote our vows for the next ten years, what would you put first?

30 questions to test your compatibility

Question games for couples

They’re played as a couple, on a single phone, with nothing to install.

Lovely Couple, also as an app

Lovely Couple is also available as an app, on iPhone and Android.

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