Quiz · 2 minutes

Relationship quiz for parents: how is your duo doing?

Eight situations, two minutes, zero judgment: we tell you what kind of parent duo you are, what holds you together and what gets stuck. With three ideas for the week.

Ready for a check-in?

  • From pregnancy to older kids
  • No wrong answers
  • A check-in, not a verdict

By the Lovely Couple team ·

How does it work?

  1. Your stagePregnancy, a baby under one, a child aged 1 to 6 or 6 and up: the situations adapt to what you’re living.
  2. Eight situationsFor each one, pick the answer closest to your daily life. There’s no right answer.
  3. Two axesFour situations are about the bond: time together, tenderness, talking, closeness. Four are about the pressure: exhaustion, mental load, disagreements, appreciation.
  4. Your profileWhere the two axes cross gives one of four profiles. The quiz also shows your strength and something to watch, and suggests three ideas for the week.

Why these themes? Because research links them to how a couple gets through the arrival of a child. Right after a first birth, relationship quality drops on average, in mothers as in fathers (Doss et al., 2009). And at the University of Washington, mothers’ satisfaction held up better when their partner stayed affectionate and attentive to what they were going through (Shapiro, Gottman & Carrère, 2000).

On the load, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that women living with children under 6 spend 2.8 hours a day on childcare, against 1.7 hours for men. The quiz measures nothing clinical: it helps you put words to what you’re living.

What are the 4 profiles of parent couples?

The quiz crosses two questions: is the bond strong or loose? Is the pressure low or high? That gives four profiles.

The tight-knit team

The bond holds, the pressure stays manageable.

The bond is solid and the pressure stays manageable. These couples keep time together, talk about more than logistics and share the load.

What helps: keeping your rituals, even in the weeks that overflow.

Close under pressure

The bond holds, but the load overflows.

The bond is solid, but tiredness, the mental load or disagreements weigh heavily. The couple holds, and that’s what keeps it going.

What helps: lightening the load, with shifts and handed-over tasks, without sacrificing your moments together.

The efficient roommates

The house runs, the couple comes after.

Family life is well organized, but the bond has loosened: less time together, less tenderness, conversations mostly about logistics.

What helps: small regular moments without screens or logistics, and gestures of tenderness.

In the eye of the storm

A lot of pressure, and the bond is suffering.

The pressure is strong and the bond has weakened: tiredness, tension and few moments together. It’s neither a failure nor a lost cause.

What helps: easing the pressure first, accepting help, and talking to a professional if it lasts.

When should you talk to a professional?

This site doesn’t give medical advice. But some signs are worth sharing with a professional, for either parent:

  • Sadness, anxiety or exhaustion lasts and takes up all the room.
  • Arguments become daily or hurtful, or you can no longer talk at all.
  • One of you is afraid of the other.

Who to turn to: your midwife, OB-GYN or family doctor, your baby’s pediatrician, a health visitor in the UK, a therapist or a couples counselor.

The postpartum checkup is a good moment to talk about mood, sleep and how things are going at home, not only about the body. In the US, Postpartum Support International runs a free HelpLine for parents, dads included: call or text 1-800-944-4773, and a trained volunteer gets back to you. It is not a crisis line.

In a crisis, call or text 988 in the US and Canada, any time. In the UK, Samaritans answer for free on 116 123. In Australia, Lifeline is on 13 11 14.

If you are afraid of your partner: in the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline answers 24/7 on 1-800-799-7233 (or text START to 88788). In the UK, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is on 0808 2000 247; in Australia, 1800RESPECT is on 1800 737 732. In immediate danger, call 911, 999, 000 or your local emergency number.

Your questions

How can we tell if our relationship is OK since the baby arrived?

A few questions help you see clearly: do you still have time just for the two of you? Do you talk about more than planning? Is the load shared? Do disagreements get resolved? The quiz goes through all of this in two minutes, and gives you concrete leads.

Is this quiz a diagnosis?

No. It’s a check-in to put words to what you’re living, not a psychological or medical assessment. If sadness, exhaustion or fights last, talk to a professional: your midwife, your doctor or a couples counselor.

Can we take the quiz together?

Yes. Each of you can take it on your own, then compare your profiles. The differences between your answers are often a good starting point for a talk.

Does the quiz work if we’re expecting a baby?

Yes. The “pregnancy” track covers getting ready, tiredness, life as three and the split of tasks. It’s a good moment for a check-in, before the nights get shorter.

What should we do if we’re “in the eye of the storm”?

First, ease the pressure: sleep in shifts, accept help from family, put off what can wait. Then bring back small moments together, even short ones. And if it lasts, get help. If you are afraid of your partner, the National Domestic Violence Hotline answers 24/7 on 1-800-799-7233 in the US, and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 in the UK.

How long does the quiz take?

About two minutes: one question about your stage, then eight everyday situations.

Studies and data cited

Relationship after baby The guide to finding each other again, with a four-week plan. The 30-day challenge One small gesture a day, made for parents. The postpartum relationship crisis The signs, and how to get through it together. 10 minutes together One idea drawn at random, to fit the time you have left.