Couples with kids

Questions for couples with kids: talk about something other than diapers

In the evening, you talk groceries, daycare and pediatrician appointments. These cards are for something else: opening up, laughing, remembering “the two of us before”, dreaming a little. Draw a question and answer in turn. Ten minutes is enough.

Since the baby

What has surprised you most since becoming a parent?

By the Lovely Couple team ·

Why questions, when you’re parents?

With a child, conversations turn into logistics: who picks up whom, what’s for dinner, where the stuffed animal went. You talk a lot, but you share little.

Yet taking an interest in what the other is going through was among the things that protected couples after a birth in the University of Washington study (Shapiro, Gottman & Carrère, 2000). And American researchers showed it in the lab: asking each other more and more personal questions for forty-five minutes brings two people noticeably closer (Aron et al., 1997).

One last tip, also from research: when the other shares good news, be truly glad, ask questions. Couples who respond with enthusiasm to each other’s good news say they’re happier together (Gable et al., 2004).

How to play

  1. A quiet momentAfter bedtime, phones in another room. Ten minutes is enough.
  2. Take turnsOne draws the card and answers, the other listens without interrupting, then you switch.
  3. You can passA question at the wrong moment? Draw another one, no explanation needed.
  4. Keep it going“Tell me more”, “And how did that feel for you?”: the best question is often the second one.

Your questions

What questions can I ask my partner to feel closer?

Questions that open onto what you live and feel rather than planning: a memory from before the kids, what made them laugh this week, what they need right now, a dream put on hold. The cards on this page are sorted by theme to help you choose.

How do you talk about something other than the kids?

Set a simple rule for ten minutes: no kids, no work, no groceries. Draw a card from the “Us, before” or “Plans” themes: they pull you out of logistics.

How long does this game take?

Ten minutes is enough for one or two questions. The goal isn’t to go fast, but to make it a small ritual, several evenings a week.

Do these questions work for tired new parents?

Yes, they’re made for that: short, no preparation, easy to do even lying down. On the most exhausted evenings, one question is enough.

Can we use these questions with older kids?

They’re made for the couple, but some, about plans or memories, are great to share as a family, at dinner for example.

Studies and data cited

10 minutes together One idea for time together, drawn at random for tonight. The 30-day challenge One small gesture a day, made for parents. The relationship quiz for parents A team, or two roommates? Find out in two minutes. Questions to know your partner better Even more questions, for every couple.